Ok so it's not the most tasteful of titles, but to be honest I couldn't give a shit. My back is aching, my tummy is cramping, my iron levels are so low I'm likely to completely pass out at any moment, and honestly- if anyone complains, I will hunt them down and punch them in the stupid ugly face !!!! AAAArrGHHH ! Yes, my lovelies, it's my time of the month.
I 'have the painters in', I'm 'on the blob', “Auntie Flow is visiting” or simply...I am menstruating.
Really, I am fairly lucky. I read in a magazine the other day ab0ut a poor lady who suffered from what the medical world calls Dysmenorrhea – or what I like to think of as really really bad, heavy period pains, and mental anguish, lasting for two weeks of every month. Jesus ! She was so bad, that she ended up hooked on Cocaine, after using it initially to ease some of the symptoms.
To be honest, I couldn't imagine anything ANYTHING worse than a Coke come down – combined with period pains. So I can see why she just carried on taking it. Luckily, she did get help, and after attending an intense three week rehab, and getting proper medication, she can now manage her menstrual roller coaster – just about.
I find that it's only really for about one full day ( two days before I actually start to bleed) that I become slightly psychotic and want to kill people. It's unfortunate for my poor children and husband. And for some reason, he never guesses why 'Psycho' Heather has suddenly arrived, and is going ballistic at him over the tiniest thing- even though it happens the same way, and at the same time every single month. It's only when I finally come back down to normal weirdness levels ( Which is still fairly weird) and my period arrives, I start crying over children's cartoons, and he notices used sanitary towels in the bin, that he realises. “Aaaaaaaah, that's why you were a complete bitch to me on Thursday” , “Sorry, I'll blub” and skulk upstairs with a tub of Nutella. Then we're all friends again. And everything returns to semi 'normal' until next month.
The point of this blog, is that, it's hard to write a blog – when you're seeping blood, anger and tears, and your husband and kids (temporarily) hate you. And you despise everyone and everything in the world, and just want to curl up in a duvet, eat ice-cream and cry.
So yeh. Sorry. I had intended to write a fabulous and informative piece about 'Days Out With Kids, In Somerset” but I can't be arsed.
Now, WHERE'S MY NUTELLA !!!!!!
#SIXWORDSTORY #POETWEET #MICROPOETRY
I'm a 43 year old, mum of two little boys- currently living in Shepton Mallet in Somerset. I'm the Founder and Creative Director of Radio Shepton, a Stand up and comedian and spoken word performer, and write a regular column for The Wells and Shepton Mallet Journal. Which is the basis for my blog usually. I lived in Swedish Lapland for 7 years until 2014 where my boys were born. My partner and I ran a husky dog sledding business. Before that I was a poet, radio presenter, media lecturer, writer, TV producer, actress and burlesque performer ! I never want my life to be boring :)