Had a bit of a mad day, and just decided to dip dye my hair pink . Then I really missed having my pose pierced, which I always has - throughout my teens and twenties. Is it a midlife crisis? Who knows, who cares! I couldn't have it pierced when I was a TV extra, nor when I was working as a lecturer, or student attendance mentor. But what's stopping me now I'm a cool, sober yummy mummy blogger? nothing..hurrah! Also I realised I am terrified of being seen as dull and boring, just cos I don't go out drinking anymore. I'm not, honestly! I mean, I haven't wanted to go out clubbing, since I decided to stat trying for a baby. Life after kids is a thrilling rollercoaster ride in itself- no drugs needed. I've always doe crazy wild things, and always had my own unique style - nothing has changed. It's just with two young kids, and a damaged liver- sometimes a night at home with a cup of tea and a tub of chocolate hobnobs is the most fun I need. Deal with it.
I put so much pressure on myself to please others, and to try and 'be' a certain way - that I gave myself a mini breakdown on St.Patrick's day.I ended up in a ball on my bed, mascara tears staining my unicorn duvet cover. I felt like I could drink, I maybe wanted to drink, the whole of the rest of the world was probably drinking- we had guests and I possibly am more fun and entertaining when I'm pissed, I'm a better hosted when blotto? Or am I? Am I turning into a boring old maid? Do people still think I'm fun crazy and cool?
After shouting, arguements, tears, cuddles, facebook messages, tea and chocolate- I finally calmed down. I realised my guests were fine. Most people were proud of me for going sober, and even a bit inspired. They mainly still saw me as fun and cool ( thats coming from other mum's over 30 so...how accurate that is , I cant say!) My husband loves me, my kids love me- my friends old and new love me. And at the end of the day - It's a waste of energy and good mascara to worry what other people think !
What I got bombarded with on Facebook - whilst struggling with my sobriety... yeh really helpful !
I'm a 43 year old, mum of two little boys- currently living in Shepton Mallet in Somerset. I'm the Founder and Creative Director of Radio Shepton, a Stand up and comedian and spoken word performer, and write a regular column for The Wells and Shepton Mallet Journal. Which is the basis for my blog usually. I lived in Swedish Lapland for 7 years until 2014 where my boys were born. My partner and I ran a husky dog sledding business. Before that I was a poet, radio presenter, media lecturer, writer, TV producer, actress and burlesque performer ! I never want my life to be boring :)