WE WERE CHALLENGED BY THE SUN NEWSPAPER TO ATTEMPT SEX EVERY DAY, AS A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION. SEE MY FULL DIARY HERE EVERY WEEK !!
Friday – January 1st – 2016
New Year's Day and we're both still hungover. I'm depressed about us both turning 40 this year, and the fact I've put on almost half a stone over Christmas. Wayne snuggles up to me for our 'daily sex' as previously agreed during an alcohol fuelled New Years Eve snog. I push him away initally. Still unsure if I'm going to throw up. Not one to go back on my word, I take a deep breath- and pop open the top button of my silk nightie. Wayne needs no encouragement, and buries his head between my breasts, squeezing me gently with his big hands. I always liked those big hands, and as I relax into it, the urge to vomit subsides, and I start to feel sexy. The act doesn't last all that long, and the 'earth didn't move' all that much. But I kept down my dinner, and we both feel a sense of achievement.
Saturday January 2nd
This evening we're fully recoverd and on top form, extra excited as Wayne's episode of ITV's Ninja Warrior is being shown on telly. We let the children stay up late to watch it, but we've agreed to have mind blowing 'Ninja' sex as soon as they're in bed. At 8pm, after a couple of glasses of wine, and all dolled up in a sexy lingerie, and full make-up – I saunter back into the living room ( we don't have sex upstairs in the bedroom since having kids) Wayne's pulled out the sofa bed, and is lying naked apart from a giant foam finger covering his modesty. I stifle a gigle, and then climb on top. If my thigh's were stronger and my legs were longer, this would be great – as it happens, doggy style turns out to be our best bet. Not a lot of foreplay, but it's passionate, wild, and we both orgasm loudly- collapsing in a satisfied heap. Will every night be like this?
Sunday January 3rd
Wayne made a lovely Sunday Dinner- and to spice things up, I ask him to wear nothing but the apron for our 'sexy time' this evening. He's got a great bum, and even treats me to a sexy dance. This time we focus on foreplay a bit more, and take things slowly. When we first got together 8 years ago, I'd impressed Wayne with my expert 'oral skills' shall we say. And tonight I prove i've still 'got it'. I pull some tricks out of the bag from my student days- he's groaning in ecstacy, and I love the fact I can still turn him on. I feel like a porn star, and my confidence really grows. We both get carried away in the moment, I'm enjoying this so much- I don't want to even have intercourse..I want to make him explode right now, all over my face. Wayne doesn't need to be told twice! It still counts as 'sex' we agree—it might even have been the best yet!
Monday January 4th
I just wasn't feeling it tonight. The kids go back to school tomorrow, and despite Wayne trying his hardest, I couldnt stop my mind from wandering. “Are the lunchboxes made, did I set the alarm, are the PE kits washed, do they start at 8.45 or 9am?” Each time I tried to bring myself back to the moment, I started to feel guilty, and Wayne noticed I was distracted. It was made worse for both of us by the fact we're both trying to cut down on booze this January. Monday should most certainly be a 'an alcohol free' day- But we usually have a few glasses of wine or beer to 'loosen us up' before 'date night', and tonight we both felt awkward, and not quite sure how to start! We sat next to each other like teenagers on a first date, not knowing who should make the first move or how. Nipple squeezing , thigh stroking and french kissing eventually got us to first base- but we definitely need a Plan B.
Tuesday January 5th
To spice things up and get us in the mood, we decide to discuss openly things and people which turn us on. Wayne doesn't look that happy as I reel off a list of famous sexy guys I fancy – top of my list fitness expert and model Jessie Pavelka ( sigh!) , David Beckham ( obviously) , Jason Momoa ( Kahl Drogo off Game Of Thrones) the young lad who plays Robbie Roscoe on Hollyoaks, Jake Quikenden, Ashton Kutcher and porn star Nacho Vidal. Girl crushes – Welsh Opera singer Katheryn Jenkins ,Cocoa Austin ( Ice T's wife ) and Countdown's Rachel Riley !
Next, I feel a bit weirded out that Wayne has a crush on the older lady who play's Miranda Hart's mum on the comedy sitcom. He also likes 'bits' of people , for example 'Louise Minchin's knees ( !?) So Tha'ts why he always has the BBC on, instead of Good Morning Britain.
Others celeb crushes include Davina McColl, Carol Vordeman and Kylie ( fair enough). We have a laugh, and he admits to a major nylons/tights fetish. I was hoping he'd be more into kinky dressing up, as I love the feel and look of PVC, rubber & latex. But apparently he's “Not that fussed”. I guess we'll have to compromise! Tonight, I wear a pencil skirt and glossy nude tights...We both have amazingly naughty sex...and I barely resist the urge to shout “SUCH FUN !!! ” as I climax .
Wednesday January 6th
The photoshoot for The Sun takes over 2 hours, and by the time we're finished, we both colapse onto the bed as if we've actually been 'at it' ! Wayne even pops out for a cigarette, and I reach for the post coital chocolate ( doesnt everyone do this?) When he comes back in, we both shoot each other an anxious look “Do we really have to have sex ?” We discuss it, and decide we shouldnt cheat. I even put back the chocolate..for now. It helps that we're both clean, smelling nice, the house is tidy and we're in our 'smart' clothes. It feels a bit like date night. I announce that it's Wayne's turn to start the foreplay ( thank you ladies!) and he gets down to business. I'm a lucky woman, as Wayne loves giving cunilingus – I've had boyfriends in the past who wouldnt do it, and they quickly got shown the door! We're both generally open minded, and willing to try most things. I let my mind wander, and fantasise about all the new and kinky activities we could try over the month. My imagination, seems to be the key. If I can't get in the right place mentally, it isnt going to happen. Once Wayne's on top of me, and we really get going, I start talking dirty- and this makes Wayne even more arroused. I say some of the things I'm going to “Do to him”, and what I want him to “Do to me”....it's brilliant. We both orgasm, and finally I get my chocolate.
WAYNE's THOUGHTS -
“It's every man's dream to get laid every single night, so I was well up for it. However, I'm 39 now, not 19, and it takes me a little longer to recover these days! It takes more than 24 hours to rejuvinate my 'seed' shall we say, so I'm walking around with saggy balls. And I'm actually aching.
I got carpet burn on the tops of my feet, my back hurts – and I'm worried that Heather will get stressed out with all the pressure we're under. In someways it's good, and we're talking more openly about what turns us on. But I do worry about how far things will go. I think I'm a pretty normal guy sexually, but I have a sneaky feeling Heather is a secret freak, and I never know what she's going to suggest next.
When I met her she was a burlesque dancer, and we even went to s fetish club once- but then we had kids, and there was a sex ban for both pregnancies. She put on weight, and our sex life never really recovered. Things are looking up now.
Today she texted saying she was ordering some sex toys from Lovehoney, I'm excited..but scared at the same time! Guess I'll just have to man-up.
Read how we get on next week---right here!!!
I'm a 43 year old, mum of two little boys- currently living in Shepton Mallet in Somerset. I'm the Founder and Creative Director of Radio Shepton, a Stand up and comedian and spoken word performer, and write a regular column for The Wells and Shepton Mallet Journal. Which is the basis for my blog usually. I lived in Swedish Lapland for 7 years until 2014 where my boys were born. My partner and I ran a husky dog sledding business. Before that I was a poet, radio presenter, media lecturer, writer, TV producer, actress and burlesque performer ! I never want my life to be boring :)