The sunshine is finally here, and I really need it. I’ve struggled with my mental health over the last couple of weeks, I’d been feeling fine then a bout of depression just hit me like a tonne of bricks and it was really scary. It seems no amount of yoga, green smoothies or essential oils can hold back the black dog when he comes howling. Though all of those this do help me alot usually. All I could do was submit to that awful feeling of hopelessness, and pray that others understood as I sent lots of apologetic emails and texts explaining why I was unable to fulfil my normal commitments. They say it’s ok to not be ok. And I had some very touching facebook messages when my status updates became worryingly morose. However, I still felt really guilty as I was unable to fulfil my role as mother, wife, daughter, volunteer, blogger or columnist- so it didn’t feel ok at all.
I didn’t get back to feeling normal straight away. I had to be kind to myself and take it easy. The warm weather and sunshine lifted my spirits and gradually the dark cloud began to pass. I’d signed up to do the Glastonbury Road Run again this year, and despite a painful hip- I was determined to complete my 3k challenge.
I remember running it for the first time last year, I was so proud. In my mind, this year I would smash my personal best, be two stone lighter, and look like a professional athlete as I glided over the finish line to loud cheers. In reality, I’m about the same weight ( though less puffy thanks to ditching the booze) my hip popped about two minutes in to the race meaning I was overtaken by about twenty Millfield school kids and a toddler, it was 23c and in the end I hobbled my way round and just about managed a victory ‘limp run’ to the finish line.
I had a lovely day though, it did my mental health the world of good. My husband and kids came to cheer me on, and afterwards we went home to enjoy the rest of our bank holiday weekend in the sunshine.
We were smuggly prepared for the sizzling pre-summer temperatures with a pop up gazebo, sparkling clean bbq, self lighting coals and ofcourse the 6ft paddling pool. I sank onto my lounger, sunhat on, magazine in hand and elderflower fizz at the ready. I was living the dream for all of ten minutes. Next came the familiar cries of “Aaaah the water is freeeezing, there’s bugs in it, he splashed me in the eye!” from the kids, and “ Stupid thing’s gone too hot , the burgers are burning. I thought you’d done the dog poos, I almost stepped in one, where’s my blimming beer?” From my husband “ Then finally … “Can’t we just go indoors and play on our ipads?” Ah, the great British summer.
I'm a 43 year old, mum of two little boys- currently living in Shepton Mallet in Somerset. I'm the Founder and Creative Director of Radio Shepton, a Stand up and comedian and spoken word performer, and write a regular column for The Wells and Shepton Mallet Journal. Which is the basis for my blog usually. I lived in Swedish Lapland for 7 years until 2014 where my boys were born. My partner and I ran a husky dog sledding business. Before that I was a poet, radio presenter, media lecturer, writer, TV producer, actress and burlesque performer ! I never want my life to be boring :)